To Dr. Colnot

The details are a bit fuzzy, but my first interaction with Cliff Colnot was as a student at the Percussion Scholarship Program. He would often write arrangements for us to perform, so his name was familiar to us all. But one day, Mr. Waddell told us that he would be visiting one day to hear our rehearsal. The seriousness and importance that Mr. Waddell put on this rehearsal was beyond anything he had previously. “No one say anything unless he asks you a question. No side conversations, be very attentive.” The amount of rehearsals leading up to his visit were probably more than usual as well. Of course, I’m thinking he’s like, Darth Vader or something, but I took it pretty seriously.

The day finally came, and I think we set everything up almost an hour before his arrival, just so we could run it one more time. Then we just waited. No one said anything, probably for a good 5 minutes before his face was seen outside the door. “Here we go,” said Mr. Waddell. The door opened and this tall man steppe through with a messenger bag and slowly made his way to the chair and stand that was prepared for him. “Hello,” he said. he looked to Mr. Waddell, greeted him and asked if he was ready to begin. Mr. Waddell said, “Yes sir. Ok everyone. Focus.” We proceeded to play probably the cleanest run we had ever done. Once the last note was hit, and the resonance dissipated, Cliff said, “Excellent” (or one of the other one word compliments he’s known for, but I think it was excellent). His comments were very minuscule, mallet choice, increasing volume in certain parts, things like that. When he was finished giving his notes, he said, “Thank you.” We all kept quiet as he packed his things, arose from his seat and slowly made his way out of the room. Needless to say, I grew to have the same respect towards Cliff as I got older and anytime he would come to visit, we all knew what was expected.

Years later, I was writing a percussion ensemble piece for fun (I was an interesting teenager ok). I showed Mr. Waddell what I had done so far, and he said, “So when are we playing it?” I hadn’t even thought about that being a possibility, but I said I would try to finish it up for him. He then suggested that I send it to Cliff for him to look at once I had finished. “Send it to who?” “To Cliff.” I’m like 17 at the time, and I had never written for an ensemble to PLAY my music. And now I’m sending my score to CLIFF COLNOT?!!? You can imagine I spent a lot of extra time working on the score before ever sending to him. I wish I still had those emails, but I remember him giving me copious notes and even suggesting that I write a new slower section to have more contrast, which of course I did. I was then and am still extremely grateful for him taking time out of his schedule to help me on this random project.

When I went to DePaul and started working with him more regularly, I learned so much and grew to have a lot of respect and investment in the rehearsal process. Learning about listening across the orchestra, sound concepts, placement, and so much more, I couldn’t have been more prepared to graduate and start my fellowship with the Detroit Symphony. His response to my emailing telling him the news was, “Excellent, congratulations.” I really would not be the musician I am today without his influence and I just wanted to write this to document a few of those moments here in his honor. Thank you so much Dr. Colnot. I will certainly miss you.

Ignorance is Bliss

My introduction to the orchestral audition process was very, let's say, unique. In lessons, my teachers, Doug Waddell and Patsy Dash would have me perform technical exercises or technique-based etudes, and at the end, I would work on the solo or ensemble pieces that I was assigned. The expectation was that whatever you were given, you would work on and have as prepared as possible the next week. There was rarely any mention of difficulty, or what age that students usually learn these pieces at. Simply, “Here’s your assignment for next week,” or, “Here’s what you will perform at the next concert.” If the piece was indeed difficult they would say, “Spend a little more time on this one.” Because of my progress, and their plans for me to audition for Interlochen, they started adding excerpts to my assignment list. However, when they began to include them into our regimen, they didn’t call them excerpts, at least not to my recollection. They simply said, “These are things we play in the orchestra.” At first glance, I thought the new pieces looked pretty easy. We had played much more difficult music in my opinion, and I was also excited to play “professional” music.

For the next couple of weeks we worked on, I think, Scheherazade 3rd and 4th movement, Capriccio Espagnol, Lieutenant Kije, Magic Flute, Porgy and Bess, Appalachian Spring, Carnival Overture, and Brahms 4 on the triangle. Then, in one random lesson, my teacher handed me an application for the Chicago Symphony Orchestra Substitute Percussion audition. I was completely unaware that we were having lessons in order to prepare for a PROFESSIONAL LEVEL AUDITION. I thought the music was easy at first glance, but given that now it was for this big important event, I started rethinking everything. It must be more difficult somehow, a kid can’t play it as well as a professional, it can’t be this simple. Because of this, I got super nervous at the audition, didn’t play well, and of course did not get on the sub list.

In college I found myself thinking back to that experience and started to wonder, “why can’t it be that simple?” Many of my colleagues perpetuated the idea that it wasn’t that simple, and given that I was quite inexperienced at the time, I tended to trust their advice. However, the more I worked with that type of intensity, the more I got nervous, tense and the performances got worse and more stressful. It wasn’t until I started to do the opposite and try what my teachers had me do that things got easier and I started to see results as early as my sophomore year. As soon as I fully accepted that this way of preparing the way to go, I started to consistently advance and my nerves became more manageable overall. Eventually, I won two principal positions preparing exactly as I did when I prepared my first professional audition with my teachers.

While performance preparation is simple, variables surrounding it can get in the way. In my almost 16 years of auditioning and 20 years of performing, I’ve tried almost every strategy or suggestion given to me by colleagues, teachers, at clinics or masterclasses, from listening to interviews or podcasts and reading many books. I did all of this to get back to and preserve that simplistic way of preparing. I try to help my students by giving them strategies to develop a healthy, low-stress way of preparing for any performance. In my class, “The Art of Performing,” I will be presenting all of those strategies that I have found the most helpful over three days. I know from experience how stressful performances and auditions can be, and I want to help as many people get relief from that anxiety as possible so that they can perform the way they would like whenever they want or need to.

Child's Play

I've had the pleasure of teaching children for about ten years now, and because of that, I thought that I had established a fool proof way of reaching and instructing them. However,  recently, I've had to change my strategies, a lot. What was once a completely structured format, is now a conglomerate of dancing, playing music games, literally throwing sticks and the students asking, "Can I be better than a professional," everyday. At first I was worried that I wouldn't be able to "do my job correctly," but, I realized that because of the changes I made, I actually was doing my job perfectly. This reminded me of a couple things I hadn't thought about in a while:

1. Flexibility within structure

2. "Playing" while playing music

3. Being relevant in order to reach others

I am a huge fan of "Un-Structure," where I have a guide and I'm free to do anything within it, taking advantage of what's not stated, and pushing the limitations of what is. That being said, I'm a little surprised that I didn't begin my new year of teaching with that mindset. No one can really know how things will go, or how people will respond to what you say or have to say. One thing we can all count on about kids though, they love to have fun! My first instinct, when I spoke to them about practicing, was to tell them about getting good at drums. But I quickly switched it from getting good, doing cool stuff. Rolling is cool, playing fast is cool, doing dynamics is really cool, that sort of thing.

I wanted to monitor and manage that mindset of "good and bad" in the beginning, and if one of them said it wasn't good enough, I always countered with, "you just started though," or "yet." It's good that they can see and hear that what they did wasn't "correct," but rather than disappointment settling in, I likened the situation to a video game. We have to learn how to get through the level in order to beat it. It'll take a couple tries or one try for some, but it's just another level. Constant encouragement, something I was blessed to have as a child, and I want to give that to any student I have, even when things aren't "right." If that encouragement can come from school teachers, friends, family, strangers, or private teachers, the students can't help but be inspired, perhaps not for continuing in music, but definitely for something in their future.

I can barely remember when I played music just for the sake of making noise, or having fun. Nowadays, it always has a purpose of improvement, for good reason, but having a space where I can just "play around" is really important to me. So, with my students now, whether they be younger or older, I try to impress that mindset on them. My students now have time to just hit their pads or bell sets, properly, for 5 minutes. Of course they play loud and fast the whole time, but the fact is, they are actually "warming up," they just don't know it yet. Or when we play stick control and I ask them to play softer, until they all go to the edges of their pads, no one is thinking about technique. It's usually the "competitive encouragement" we hear. "Anything you can do I can do better," but never in a mean way. They always laugh and smile, and then it's so soft that they try weird things to make it softer. Some choke up on the sticks, others put their first finger on top of the stick to land on the pad slower. They just, try things, instinctively, just like a kid. If anything, that reminds me to do the same sort of experimentation in my practice. Just playing around to see what works and what doesn't. 

The kids still think I'm lying about my age, and insist that I'm 18, but I always thought that my youthful look gave me an "in" to reaching younger students, and sometimes it does. I am still young and can recall a lot of the same experiences that they are having or have had. Other times it doesn't. But being young coupled with being a person of color, specifically for older students, also gives me a level of respect and attentiveness from a class. Now, I don't rely on that, but I do use that as a springboard in clinics at middle schools in my old neighborhood specifically. If the students know that you grew up in the same hood as them, and can be exposed the possibilities that are there for them, who knows where that can lead. And even if a teacher isn't a person of color, or grew up in the same place, sharing and, especially, being real and honest about a life experience is really worth something to them. That, I think, is what makes someone relevant to students these days, and so far it's worked, for me.

I've always loved to teach, but it's because I've had such great teachers that it was even a thought in my head to do it myself. I also loved to learn how to do things that others couldn't, or to do them better, because of how my mom and dad encouraged me to be great at what I did. Above all, I loved sharing with others. Not teaching, but just talking about discoveries or cool things I could do, because friends of mine in high school would tell me how cool it was, or ask if I had anything cool to  play that day. One even encouraged me to write a book of them, which I eventually did. All of that makes me want to give children, especially, a running start when it comes to their dreams. "If I can do it, you definitely can do it, and do it better. In fact, I want you to do it better." They inevitably ask, "Better than you?" and I say, "If you practice, and don't give up." It's been a wonderful start of the school year, and I look forward to learning more from everyone I come in contact with. I hope you also find new things to inspire, encourage and teach you, as we all grow, and improve as musicians and as human beings. 

Happy Practicing

Practice Abyss

During a performance, what are we thinking about? I thought about this a lot, because I would often get nervous and start getting into my own head about what the audience or judges or whoever were thinking about. So I had to train myself to not engage negative thoughts during a performance, but that wasn't enough for me. I decided to not only monitor my brain during performance, but during regular practice as well and this led to some really good things, and some not so good. Starting with the good, the act of monitoring the thoughts that go on in your head is somewhat alike to meditating. You choose a focal point and as other thoughts arise, you can choose to engage them, or not. So, as I play 12 scales in 32 different ways, maybe I'll start thinking about who to text or whether or not I should drink water or root beer. Practicing this type of focus was extremely helpful during practice and during performance, so I figured, why think about just one thing?

Now, when I am thinking about this, I am using an extreme amount of energy to keep my focus on whatever is going on right at that moment. I finally got the hang of it around the time I took the Cleveland Orchestra audition. During the semi-final round, two former instructors and a well respected entrepreneur were on the panel, and the screen was down, so I had a lot of potential thoughts that could arise from this situation. I managed to keep my thoughts only on the music in front of me, even while interacting with the panel when instructed to do something, and I was exhausted afterwards. I literally fell asleep in the lounge right after the round was over. So what am I actually thinking?

1) Time: keeping focus on the space between the notes, so that nothing rushes or drags (is too close together or too far apart). Instead of thinking about a beat of time, that stops immediately after it's counted, thinking of space gives more length to the time, so that everything connects. If I could put it visually, instead of seeing   (+      +      +      +)   I would see    (+_____+_____+_____+_____).

2) Lengths: even though percussion often has short sounds and notes associated to it, the notes on the page all have specific lengths to them. Basically, thinking about everything as legato as possible, except when instructions arise for anything else, helps connect directly with your time, and your execution of articulations. This helps me stay engaged with what I just played and anticipate what's to come.

3) Movement: This is what helped the most in between pieces and moving around instruments. By connecting with the movements of the body, I make sure that I am not over exerting, or over/under doing any motion as I play. I stay as fluid as possible, making sure that I do not stop a movement before or after it starts, until the last note has completely sounded. And even when I have hit the last note, I cannot stop thinking about my body, because I have to pick up a new set of mallets, move to another instrument, and prepare to play another piece that's completely different! So, I stay engaged with the movement of my body throughout that process, which means, I stay engaged with my body the entire time I'm on stage (specifically during auditions). You can see why I was exhausted after the Cleveland audition. 

4) Rhythm/Melody: For percussionists rhythmic integrity is the biggest test of our skill and maturity as musicians. Phrases are really hard to create when the rhythm isn't right, and everyone can tell when a drummer isn't grooving. Similarly, it's hard to play Bach when the notes either don't connect to create the phrase, or are out of tune. In both cases, I literally sing either the rhythms or melody in my head, or commonly called "inner ear", as if my brain was creating the sound that my hands were making. This worked for two reasons, I think: one, it keeps me engaged by focusing on each note separately, and two, by focusing on each note separately, you can monitor everything about that note (pitch, quality, how the body felt during that note, length, articulation, color, relationship to the previous and future note). 

5) Sound: This one is more general. Each space we play in will effect our playing in one way or another. Generally, our ears, brain and body are smart enough to adjust to these differences in space and sound reactions without us having to "think" about it. So, I let the sound that I hear guide me and let go of anything else. This is probably the most vulnerable of the list because you literally are not doing anything but listening to your sound consistency and projection. Is it clear enough in the hall? Does the color change during the piece? How soft/loud is too soft/loud for the hall? All of these hypothetical questions are never "answered" but adjusted to. The catch with this one is that it tends to lend itself to a desire to drag the tempo, which is why I couple it with either one or two other numbers. Here's where the bad outcome arises, for me.

If you know the story of the movie "Inception", one of the main plot threads is the necessity to differentiate the dream world from the real world. For me, discovering these type of ways to think about music and playing was a Godsend and incredibly exhilarating and enticing. I'd practice for hours on end with no breaks, just to see how long my mind could withstand being in that head space. I'd over rehearse, trying to hear every ounce of space between notes, or examining the colors between left hand and right hand notes on xylophone one at a time. Eventually, this did not leave the practice room. I'd examine how I was picking up a cup, whether or not I was engaged the entire time between it leaving the table to touching my mouth....Yea, it got really out of hand. It was like entering an endless void. I think, with anything, going to that extreme is dangerous, because once you come out, you probably will realize you can't go that far again. If you do, you'll have to go deeper in in order to have the same feeling, and who knows if you'll come out next time. I attribute this to a person like Glen Gould or Bobby Fischer (just watch any documentary on either of them and you'll see what I mean). Luckily, I did arise from this void of internal thought, and can manage it effectively. I promise I'm not analyzing my posture and connection to the keyboard as I type this blog, promise! 

In any case, thinking about a couple of those points will keep your mind occupied, so occupied that you won't have time to think about anything else. And whenever something does cross your mind, you always have a backup item to put your focus on. It is not an escape from your thoughts or the realities of the current moment, but simply an objective manager of them. If your sound isn't consistent, you will notice, and then you can fix it instead of attaching a subjective thought to it (my sound isn't consistent, I suck, I'll never win anything). It takes time to, essentially, relearn how to think, but doing a little everyday goes a long way.

Start with something simple, like scales. Find what's easy to listen for, let's say pitch, and really engage your mind to that. Is each pitch accurate to the one before and the one after? Then, focus on a less easy thing, maybe time? Is each note still in tune, but now in time with the previous and future note? Keep going until the most difficult item is easier to hear, for me it's the tuning of pitches above C7 and below G2, and hearing sixteenths at quarter note at below 30 and above 218. Slow practice is a good exercise for this, because you can work on small sections with these things in mind, so that when they are in tempo, you've already heard what they "should" sound like. It does take time, and a lot of brain power, so don't try to do too much too soon. Go at your pace, and eventually you will get the hang of it and you'll even discover which ones work better for you in different circumstances.

I hope this gives you some insight to why at one point I said I practiced 18 hours a day. Thinking like this, it's hard not to reach that time, or longer if you forgo sleep (please don't). Nowadays, I try to get a solid six hours in, and if I feel like continuing, I will, but I don't try to if I don't feel like it. I also do not encourage guilt tripping yourself into practicing. If you are tired, rest, but also know when you are actually tired, or being lazy. It's more about being mindful about listening to your body and mind. If your practice isn't productive, take a short break. If you've been practicing 4 hours with no break, you will probably over kill any chops you have. Just be smart about how you practice and it will be more productive. 

I'll end with this. The last audition I went for, I practiced everyday, and I mean everyday, for 7 months straight, and then I doubled the amount of my practice the last two months before. I had basically cut off any communication during those last 2 months, except for a handful of people. I went really deep into the void, and was only digging deeper. Little did I know that a really good friend of mine was in the hospital recuperating from something he almost died from 3 months prior. When I did see him I apologized for not texting him. He said, "It's ok, I know you're busy." Needless to say, that really hit me hard, and I decided to never let myself get to that sort of place of isolation ever again. Hopefully, my experience in the void gives you tools that will help your development as a musician, but also discourages you from going too far in the process. With that, I cautiously say, Happy practicing. 

"Focus on the process, not the product that the process was meant to achieve. It's a paradox. When you focus on the process, the desired product takes care of itself with fluid ease. When you focus on the product, you immediately begin to fight yourself and experience boredom, restlessness, frustration, and impatience with the process. The reason for this is not hard to understand. When you focus your mind on the present moment, on the process of what you are doing right now, you are always where you want to be and where you should be. All your energy goes into what you are doing. However, when you focus your mind on where you want to end up, you are never where you are, and you exhaust your energy with unrelated thoughts instead of putting it into what you are doing. In order to focus on the present, we must give up, at least temporarily, our attachment to our desired goal. If we don't give up our attachment to the goal, we cannot be in the present because we are thinking about something that hasn't occurred yet: the goal"- Thomas M. Sterner

Breaking Bank

Getting ready for college we all thought, or are thinking about, what equipment we need. As high school students, and even in college, we may not have the funds to get the so called "latest and greatest," so what will get the job done without making us spend more than we have? People have suggested that I talk about keyboard mallets for this. I'm just going to look for certain qualities, not brand names, that the mallets should have to sound good, and search Steve Weiss for them. I'm looking to save money, but also looking to not purchase something I haven't seen used before, so I know they will work, and something I'm willing to invest in, because it is an investment, no matter how much or how little you spend. Anything that I list is just a suggestion based on the qualities that I'm looking for, and if you find things that meet the same qualifications, it should be fine as well. I'll also round a bit to try and account for tax/shipping. Let's see what we find.

Starting with glockenspiel, we need to take into consideration that there are different types of glocks out there, and a mallet that sounds good on one kind might sound really bad on another. This means that we need a back up just in case we come across it. This also means that we will have more glock mallets in this list than xylophone ones. I personally think that rattan or fiberglass handles are best for this instrument, because their natural bounce helps avoid harsh attacks and worse frame/box sound. Rattan handles are a little more expensive, but they will give you a more fundamental sound because of the weight. Fiberglass, however, works for any glock you come across and is very agile. Brass is very warm but cuts and projects a lot; aluminum is brighter, does project, but is a little softer than brass. For rattan handles, Vic Firth's Orchestral Series Brass or Aluminum, at $22.75 each, and for fiberglass handles, Dragonfly Percussion's 7/8 Aluminum mallet, at $19.95 each, will work for most of the loud excerpts you come across. I recommend purchasing two of each.  

For softer excerpts, we have to really consider the contact sound. If there's too much, there will be a lot of front and attack to the note, obstructing the tone. It's more of a problem on larger bars, so finding a mallet that works for those especially is important. My favorite soft mallet is the Innovative Orchestral Series OS6 at $24.95. I've used this mallet for almost all of the light/articulate soft excerpts on both large bar and regular size glocks. For even less contact sound, with a warmer tone (specifically for Sleeping Beauty) a Lexan material mallet is my go to. The Salyer Performance Collection 1" Lexan, on rattan, is a good option, also at $24.95. Lastly, a brighter option to contrast the Lexan material is a Clear ball, and Dragonfly's 1" Clear Bell mallet, at $19.95, is something that I've used. Finally, my other favorite general mallet for glock is the Musser 215 phenolic on rattan, and unfortunately, while writing this blog, I could not find it on Steve Weiss and possibly has been discontinued. If you can find it, get 2 pairs if you can (last I checked, it was $24.50). Still, the show must go on, and the next mallet I would and have used, with a similar sound, Dragonfly Percussion's 1" Black, at $20. (Glock total about $140)

Xylophone is a lot easier to figure out. Here, I think rattan is the go to handle for any xylophone instrument. It's agile and minimizes frame noise because of its natural bounce. First up on the list is every percussionist's go-to mallet, the Malletech "Browns," the OR39R at $28.95. You can use this for most if not all your loud excerpts if that's all you had, an I do know a couple who did use just this mallet for them and won, so it's a legit choice. For soft playing, we need a warmer sound, softer attack and a good weight to get the fundamental sound. Encore's 92R unwound series, at $24.95, is a solid option for softer excerpts and ragtime pieces. For the loudest excerpts, we definitely need a weighty stick to get lot's of tone and to mellow out the bright attack (I personally wouldn't use plastic on the xylophone, and phenolic is a safer option for the instrument). Salyers Performance Collection Phenolic, at $25.95, fits those qualifications. For the light and bright, a smaller mallet head and good weight is needed, and another go to for a majority of percussionists is the Innovative Orchestral Series OS3, at $28.25 (I literally just bought it. I was like, "Why don't I have this yet?"). (Xylo total about $120)

Marimba is another instrument that can differ based on the way it's made. In most cases, we won't need too soft of a mallet for excerpts or for Bach pieces, so a hard/medium hard or medium mallet should be perfect (again I would buy 2 pairs). Marimba One's Round Sound Medium and Hard, both at $34.95, have been a great option across all the marimbas that I've come across and are very versatile for any piece you come across. Articulate without being crass, and very warm even on the highest registers. (Marimba total about $75-$150) Vibraphone is last on our list and is probably the easiest one to do. Though vibes may look different, the majority of them will give similar sounds from the bars. So mallets that work on one probably will work on any vibe, and here we have two other go-to's for percussionists: Balter Blues and Balter Greens, both at $32.95. (Vibe total about $70-$140) Grand total $550.

Had I known what I know now about what works on instruments, what's appropriate for pieces, and what is probably the best choice for certain if not general things, I would've saved a lot of money. I probably have over a thousand pairs of mallets and I definitely don't use them all, so some of those purchases could be seen as a waste, but in the best case scenario, I now have another sound and feel option for situations I come across. As you go along in your career, you will probably try tons of mallets, either from friends or instructors, and from a base set that you know will work, you can branch out and see what you like better, or don't like. The options are out there, which is good, but there are a lot of them and that can confuse us or make us feel like we need to keep buying more (I've definitely felt that way and have done that). Still, if you go with this general list, or mallets that have the same qualities, you will be fine for the long haul if you want to save up for bigger instruments in the meantime. Hope this helps and happy practicing!